|
|
5/21/06 Motorcyle Diaries I watched �Motorcyle Diaries� tonight with my Scottie. I walked with him in silence afterwards. I noticed the vivid smells and colors, as if the world were just planted, just painted, just cooked, just born. All is fragrant. All is blossom. The world, even in its quiet at 9 pm, is so rich and full when the pool of the mind is finally still enough to see it. The sky turned a deep blue with gray streaks as we walked, him tightly clasping my hand, so close and intent that our palms sweat. No words. I walked with my feet bare. I cried. Scott squeezed my hand. �God, what do you want me to do? How can I help on this Earth? What am I to do here?� Then Scott pulled me to his warm chest, and he kissed my hand and held it by his face. My heart silently asked his, �Will you take me there? Will you take me and support me so I can do what I need to do? I need you and I need to do this�� I felt his strong summer body beneath me, and his abiding calm. I kissed his neck. We are travelers, he and I. Salt Lake, too, is just a place we�re visiting. A people we�re loving. But I don�t belong here. I feel the call to walk other places and love other people. Like in Korea, when love crossed all imagined boundaries and raw affection built deep bonds with people, without any of the social formalities and customs I find burdensome here. Now I realize the house I�m to buy here is just a stepping stone. We are not permanent, Scott and I. We buy a house to project us further along this path, to ground us for now and prepare us financially. So that we�ll have more to give. My life is not paint colors or patios or even my next meal. I have felt called to it again and again, since I was a small girl. Called to step out and help others. Called to feel for this planet and these people in a way most people can�t�or don�t want to. And to have little feeling for collecting and gaining and building and possessing for myself. No, all I want for me is just to be strong enough so I can sit by someone�s bedside and have something to give them, leftover with which to care for them. God, I hear you. Tonight is still, and so silent that the message feels to be booming through the calm, summer night air. My angel boy is sailing through the air, wearing his creme linen shirt in honor of cooling and relaxing the summer�s heat. I love him. May I not completely forget. Always these reminders� (I read Scott my journal entry, and the night was done. The next morning, I found this note on the kitchen counter, written with a red marker on the diagonal of a torn paper towel�) Hey, babe. norton 500 [2006-05-25]
Navigation newest letter | older letters
Last five letters Gathering [2009-09-04] ?2002, Scott & Celeste. |