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today even Kouksundo was too much for me, and i sat at the back of the pale yellow room and watched scott. after, our beautiful, tiny, smiling, peaceful teacher asked about me in her tongue and requested to massage me a little. coat off, i was flat on the floor in seconds. she knew just where to press, and just where to knead, and she manipulated the back of my tired, worn out little neck--like it were dough. i saved my tears for when i had time for them, and i let myself be opened. she even cracked my neck, which scared me to death, but gave me some relief. she made quick, powerful, graceful movements, and because she is full of love, i trusted her completely. today one of my younger students, when learning about the adjectives "new" and "old," (in terms of a new coat or something) remarked that "teacher had old eyes." he pointed above his own cheekbone and under his eyes. i laughed dryly. "uh, it's fatigue. thanks, kid." Children are always so honest. Good to have around times like these, actually. but i'm part-time now at the school. instead of panicking last week, i called out for help. sounds simple enough, but hey, that's new territory for me. so now i'm learning to reboot. good, fresh food. lots of water. lots of rest. a slow walk in clean air (read the treadmill). kouksundo and yoga and breathing. and more rest. of course, i'd like to go to a cave and hibernate for a week and come out healed, but that is SO like me. to want to fix this presto. no, celeste. this is going to take some time. enjoy it. and i am. Reboot, ck [2003-01-20]
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