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I insist on adding an entry. If for nothing else than because Scott wrote here a few days ago. And I want to be like Scott. That's the truth. As I learn to adore him more and to be a stand for his passions and his joys, the more they become my own. Not on the same level, of course, or in the same way, but my heart expands to include them, just because beautiful Leroy is moved by them. Like CHOCOLATE for instance. Before Leroy came along, it was fake cinnamon bears and gummi fruits and licorice ropes for me. The more Non-foods and food colorings and flavorings the better. Now I have no patience for such things. And if there are treats to be had, which of course there usually are (especially hanging out with scott!), they're going to be chocolatey--preferably as real and as dark as possible. And we're going to chew them slightly, stick them to the roofs of our mouths, and suck on them for as long as possible. And EATING OUT. Which used to mean going to a grocery store and coming out with grapes, a yogurt, and some granola. Now it's "Thai or Indian today, my love?" And hardly being content with something that doesn't involve rice or curry or coconut milk. And ZEN PLACE SITTING. Being somewhere just to BE there. To experience the place. Not in the outdoors, mind you. That's usually my obsession. Scott's is in the city, in the brick, in the jazz. The smells and sights and sounds of city life. Walking Main just to watch the buildings and hopefully find a forgotten bookstore to wander in. It used to be that my only joys were in nature, on my blades or my bike or something. Now I can sit and sip green tea at a cafe for hours, smiling. Maybe it's just the delight of being with Scott. Maybe it's the delight of experiencing his vision of his world. Maybe it's just the delight of being alive. More fully. There's always something more to experience. The pleasures of intimacy and a best friend. Marriage is deep and wide and requires some sweat and muscle to row across, or sometimes swim through, but the views... and the sun on the face... and the moments of song together... and the vibrancy of the moment, the cool water shaking off any stupor or stupidity for that matter. To Chocolate. - [2004-03-01]
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