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Okay, i've been thinking about and talking to very soul-brilliant people, and i buy it. that life is impermanent. for all of us, celeste. so let go of the fear. and the more i see that, the more i live from my heart and with joy and gratitude. sometimes i drag through my days, imagining an eternity of this sort of movement and growth--these same conditions. but they're never the same. nothing is ever the same. and as i accept that, i move more gracefully through life. i joy at the beauty, watch carefully the pain, and then let both of them go. for this moment is a new one. i was in my new apartment last night, and the feel of the universe was entirely different. sure, there's the same loving hum. but it's so different from korea. and neither better or worse. but different growth. and different joy. and different struggle. but while in korea, i never would've visualized what i'm doing now or where i needed to go. i just knew that i had to keep moving. with faith, not fear. that's all i knew. and i would continue to grow in the most unexpected and beautiful ways if i remained open. which i haven't been, all the time. i've been afraid and clutching and desperate and childish. but that's to be expected. i've also been warm and loving and open and extremely courageous and visionary. and i've done what i could in each moment. and i've loved it. ********* so back to death. it will come. and i will continue to live aware of that fact. trusting that (as d'ana suggested) we'll do what we need to do on this planet before then. and that's all that matters anyway. Impermanence, ck [2003-05-29]
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Last five letters Gathering [2009-09-04] ?2002, Scott & Celeste. |