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how do you communicate what has taken years and thousands of perfectly suited triggers to understand? the fact that we're never in a box. that we create our own boxes. that finding "ways out" is good, but it still assumes that you were once inside. but the mind is always free. we create boxes for ourselves only when we forget that. on my mission, i thought coming home was my way "out." and it was, for a time. but it always catches up with you. i had to have an eating disorder first to help me see that i was still living in a way that would always end up harmful. no matter how much my environment changed or how much "good" stuff i could pack around me. the crisis was inside, ya know? which isn't to say that getting out of an obviously bad situation isn't the right thing to do. OF COURSE it is. but that's just good sense. climbing inside and figuring out your relationship to yourself and forming that inner world out of love and balance and acceptance is eventually the only way to not feel crushed by the world. it makes oh so much sense to me. more so than ever in my life. and i feel so blessed and grateful to finally be getting it. it's like Malissa always said--it's like a drug, this freedom. it's needle to the vein. it's hard to realize and experience, but then once you realize, learn, and then develop the strength of the inner world and the permissions and love you can give yourself, then it becomes addictive. and, of course, replaces all the other addictions. and rightly so. is there any better reward? Boxes, ck [2002-11-22]
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Last five letters Gathering [2009-09-04] ?2002, Scott & Celeste. |